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I give up on this species- They have toaster directions, which, I'm not makin' this up, the toaster directions are longer than one step. I think the serving size of ice cream is when you hear the spoon hit the bottom of the container. I'm just trying to go through life without looking stupid. My eye doctor told me this, I'm not making this up. I go in for the eye test, and I don't know about you, but I concentrate like crazy during the eye exam. There's 90 people involved with these two guys fishing! And one of the credits is 'film editor.' This poor guy, he's got to watch all the footage that's not exciting enough to make it into the final product. So you'd have to run in, 'Hey, Mom, everything's fine. And if you get peanut butter, get smooth.' I've got to lay off the dairy. ' What were you thinking right before you hit the ground, Evel? ' I remember thinking: 'Hey, did I turn off the iron? Then I was thinking: 'Hey, maybe I should get a puppy? I don't mind going through it, but I get tired of the businessmen who make way too big a deal out of their computers. Like to start with a nice bottle of Chianti and a couple of Cesar salads to get started and, um, I'm going to have the Beef-a-Roni -- and some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for the lady.' I heard on the news once, and my uncle does this. They have a section called, 'New Baby.' I don't think you need the word 'new.' They'd have to clear up confusion. 'Cause my friend's had a baby, and I let time get away from me, and he's 12.' You know what's fun? This woman in a soothing voice: 'Simply take the bottom of your right foot and place it on the small of your back.' You ever say a phrase you say all the time at the wrong time, feel like a complete idiot? You, too.' I was getting out of the cab at the airport, and the driver goes, 'Hey, have a nice flight.' 'You, too. You have a nice flight, too -- in case you ever fly some day.' I'm lookin' at the Pop-Tarts box and I notice they have directions on there. He said, "Did you know you have one eye set higher than the other eye? Then how come when anyone ever calls you that, it's an insult? Good job, Einstein.' I don't think we're honoring that man properly by using his name in vain in parking lots. Listen, if you need to zap-fry your Pop Tarts before you head out the door, you might want to loosen up your schedule. See how many you can hurl in that third story window in 30 seconds.' The hard part was being the kid that got sent in first to calm Mom down before you dragged in the actual banged up brother. But we were thinking, since you said that you had to go get milk later anyway, then we were all thinking if, when you go, you just might want to take him to the hospital? ' He should have just said, 'And no more happiness! I don't know how you're going to handle this -- my computer.' Oh, is he from the future? I think they have a way to handle your computation machine. You ever been in a nice Italian restaurant: 'Hi, how are you? You know we used to not grow tomatoes, but there's more money in not growin' corn." Politicians have a lot to deal with these days. Could be their life long dream, and every time they ask for a pamphlet, all hell breaks loose. Push OK and Yes to confirm and close the Security Settings dialog box,then OK again to close the Internet Options dialog box.There are exceptions, such as Barbie, that has leveraged the popularity of the brand to create a universe that deeply reflects the positive elements of the property.Brian Joseph Regan (born October 2, 1957) is an American stand-up comedian who uses observational, sarcastic, and self-deprecating humor.
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